There should be a sign at Des Moines city limits that says "Welcome to Dickfucking Faggotown".

"The first time Mary von Shirt saw Mr. Canada Gray her nipples got so stiff they rubbed on her shirt real hard."
             -Fifty Shades of Gray

Every day I try to beat my own record for Tapatio consumption. It's a terrible idea.

Happy birthday on your journey!

WHERE DID ALL THESE COLORED LIGHTS COME FROM? SOMEONE IS DIGGING AROUND INSIDE OF ME. IT HURTS. KNOWLEDGE HURTS.

If actresses would learn how to act with their tits then everybody wins.

I think on my fiftieth birthday I'm going to kill everyone I know.

"Then he fucked her in the ass with a broom handle."
                                                           -Fifty Shades of Gray